To Tweet or Not to Tweet?

Huh? Ok, so I am nerdy enough to think this might be a good idea, but lazy enough to have sat on it for a while. Bear with me while I try and figure out the benefit to all of this. Your patience through this learning curve is much appreciated:)

Loss and Renewal

On Tuesday, May 19th, I will mark the anniversary of the monumental changes that have happened in my life. That was the day that I lost my job at Avaya. In the last year since that day, I have also experienced personal loss. In June (the day I received my papers), I put down my dog Dusty. In July, my beloved beagle, Frankie died. In October, my beautiful and loyal Doberman Diego passed quietly in the pasture. Just last week, I lost my mare, Lady. In each of these cases, the time was right. They were all old and all had long loving lives up here at my place. Needless to say, I have been in a funk about death and loss lately. The whole country and world is experiencing loss in very real ways. Loss of wealth, health, environment, job etc. has much of the country on edge.

In a moment of feeling sorry for myself, I thought I would suspend attention and get perspective. In this last year, I have started with Pathwise, started my own company, adopted three wonderful dogs that would have otherwise been put to death and found two new best friends/neighbors that give me love and support. I have also given a lot of time to developing Women in Business, become a board member of the PTSA and generally spending quality time with my kids. All of these things were not possible up until a year ago. It takes loss to renew and grow. It takes flowers dieing in the fall to make way for new ones in the spring. Sure I am saddened by the loss, but something is so beautiful about the sacrifice that allows me to greater appreciate what is coming next.

In memory of my Lady Girl - you taught me what it means to be a partner. Thank you and I'll miss you.

Right Place, Right Time, Right Attitude

I learned a lesson a very long time ago that one cannot "be" in the right place, unless they expose themselves, "find" the right time, unless they are maximizing it or "have" the right attitude, unless they are living it. I was very fortunate in my life to find some great mentors that saw what I was capable of, when I wasn't looking. Opportunities are everywhere, and they can be often missed.

Todd and I had a very early morning meeting at a Chamber event way down south in Puyallup. I had childcare challenges and Todd had to get up very early in the morning to be there. Both of us had perfectly legitimate excuses why we should turn down the event. We both pressed on and made it work. The result? Todd had a FANTASTIC meeting with a group of very intelligent business people. I saw him connecting and the audience was engaged on what it meant to be present and how this worked in a business environment. Afterwards, Todd was interviewed for 5 minutes as part of the Puyallup Chamber of Commerce Series. The group is very progressive and professional. I was very impressed. Had we not gone down there, we may have missed what might be a great opportunity to meet some wonderful people!

At times when I feel that I don't want to go or do something, is the time when I most need to do it. The best things come from where we weren't looking for them!!

Check out Todd's interview!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zfD-5nt2mg

Geneology

I checked my mailbox yesterday and received a package from Grandma. She had sent some geneology information she had that took our family back to England in 1539. Looking through the papers, I discovered that my family has been in the US, way before it was the US! Page in hand, I went on ancestory.com and started to build the tree. I AM ADDICTED! I found out we don't have any German on my side of the family as I thought we did. We have 1 Irish relative from the 1600. The rest are all from Massachusettes and England. My favorite part is looking at the sensus information. I have printed the actual written forms and a WWI draft card from my great grandfather Felix Gelinas, who was a first generation French Canadian. My great grandmother was half white/half indian who was adopted in the 1800s and was listed on the 1910 sensus as a "servant" for a Mr. and Mrs. Shakespear, immigrants from England settling in Snohomish.

Have you done any Geneology? What sources do you think work the best? What facinating things have you found in your families past?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

After a hiatus of sick/flu, one messed up gmail account (beware, it takes over EVERYTHING) and a hard drive crash, I am back just in time to toast a Guinness to a St. Patrick's Day 2009!!


I've invited the resident expert, Kim Clavin, to join us for an interesting fact. There are over 35 million Americans of Irish decent living in the United States. Ireland has a total population of a little over 4 million. 10% of the population of the United States have something to really celebrate today. The rest of us WISH we were Irish. Kinda like many of us suddenly become Cajun (maybe topless?) at Marti Gras. Although I have Russian, German, English, French, Canadian, American Indian and who knows what else in me, I have no Irish that I know of. So for today, I will claim my love of Guinness and U2 as my right of passage into Irish-hood. ERIN GO BRAGH!

Getting the Flu

Isn't it amazing that your kids own vomit doesn't make you sick? Well, that's true for me anyway. I was tested with this 3 weeks ago at 2 o'clock in the morning when my 4 year old boy came into my room crying and looking like the poisoned ghost girl from the Sixth Sense. I spent the next hour cleaning the carpet, the mattress pad, sheets, clothes, toilet etc..... When my husband came down with the same thing a week later, I was wondering if he caught the flu through osmosis, as he was NOT the one up at the 2am cleaning.

I began to think this was a manly flu, targeting those with different bits and pieces when my daughter came down last week. I again marvelled at my new found immunity. You see, usually I am the one who gets sick first, gets better while everyone else is ill, then I get a second round. Ever since I found the $10 Netti pot last year, I have been relatively sick-free. I was taking care of all of them and still I was going strong. Then, yesterday afternoon at 4pm, I was reviewing my spreadsheets on my computer when the next thing I know, my head hit my desk with a thud. I guess it saved the best for last....

Generational Leadership

I am very interested in understanding Generational Leadership. That is a study of the different motivations, work habits and management styles between the Baby Boomers, Gen X, Gen Y and the Milleniums. Specifically, I am intrigued by the unique problem of my own Gen X leadership in managing the exiting Baby Boomers while introducing the Milleniums into the workforce. Do any of you have thoughts on this? What good books have you read, or seminars have you seen that provide some insight?

You're right, you don't know me at all!

I went to my bank today to do three things, open a new business checking account, deposit my pension check and look at the dimensions of my safety deposit box. I decided to take my daughter with me, so she could learn out this all works. First off, opening a simple business account requires lots of documentation, "because of the Patriot Act", I was told. Of course, I had none of it handy (except my business license, but they didn't need that), so that was a bust. Then, my pension check was scruitinized with the manager finally shouting over the 4 ft bank walls, "do you know where this check came from?" Of course, I'm thinking maybe Florida, New Jersey? Who cares? After some other wierd questions, she finally told me what she was getting at, to which I answered, "no, I didn't just receive this check in the mail unexpectantly through a telemarketing thing, thinking I was winning the lottery". So now that we've told all the other bank tellers and other customers in the line that I am not a moron, we move on to the safety deposit box. I have my expired license with me just to show ID. I have pulled my real license out before and have lost it, so it stays in the wallet and I hand over my expired one to people wanting to review it. This teller lady would not accept it. I'm trying to figure out why the status of my driving certificate with the State of Washington has anything to do with my ability to look at my safety deposit box. So, I hand her my non-expired license and said, "what if I didn't have a driver's license?" To which she replied "I wouldn't let you in. I don't know you".

I forgot to mention, I have been banking at this bank for 25 years and at this particular branch for 15. She's right, they didn't know me at all! Now this got me thinking that maybe I need to find a banker. Not a bank, but a real live home town human banker. If this woman wouldn't let me look in my safety deposit box without providing her documentation that I can pass a drivers test, what makes me think they would be willing to help out at all when I really need them?

How many of you think that personal relationships and community networking and engagement are going to be critical when the economy gets worse? How many think it won't make a lick of difference?

Fear and Denial

I cannot get this picture out of my head. Call it being an optimist, or call it denial, I am often cheerful about the state of the world. I believe that things will get better and we will be prosperous in a whole new and better way. Still, at times when I am alone with my thoughts, this picture enters, clear, cold and utterly heartbreaking. It is the famous 1936 photo taken by Dorothea Lange of a Depression Era Mother. The picture depicts 32 year old Florence Owens Thompson, a migrant farm worker and her 4 children. My optimist tells me that the positive aspect is that she survived, she had her children and and her mind. The fear tells me this could be me. As I continue to drive on, I think, "What would I give up first? What do I have to sell? Would I lose my house and my property that I am so connected to? How would I feed the dogs and horses? Would my husband have to leave to go find work somewhere else? WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO US?" I ache for Florence now in a way that I have never felt before. I see so many different things in that picture and the emotion is so raw and new.

See this link for more of the story of Florence from her daughters eyes: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/12/02/dustbowl.photo/index.html

Then the good ol reliable optimist kicks in. She says that the reality is that we will have to cut back and do without, but the things that are most important will stay in my life. We may have to sell one of our cars. I may have to clean out the closet and earn hay money on eBay. I might have to re-think my business plan and be creative with how I make a living. You know what? Those are not bad things. They are empowering, cleansing, renewing. The things that I need to do are to engage, be a part of my community, reconnect with my neighbors. Reach out and help those that are in need NOW. The more I focus on these efforts, the more the fear goes away, or is it denial? Quite frankly, who cares. It beats sitting behind a computer screen for 20 hours a day, watching You Tube and listening to 1980s music, reliving your youth and falling into a depression. Sorry, TMI. Did you know I am a Gemini? Good Twin/Bad Twin - they often have these discussions:)

What is your worst fear? It is reality? Were you around when the movie "The Day After" came out in 1984? I was 14 and worried about total nuclear annihilation. Seems silly now, but we were all scared. Where is your head at during this time of fear? How do you handle others fear? What do you see in this picture?

About Dorothea Lange: http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/wcf/wcf0013.html

Subconcious connection with Animals

I went horseback riding yesterday with my young 6 year old mare, Topper. She is really a nice horse, but young. She is in the teen age phase, so she likes to test. I have finally figured out that she is truly lazy and will back down, if I make it harder for her to "act out". Case in point, she would rather run over the top of me, than go over a pole on the ground. So I introduced Mr. Snappy Stick and she came to the realization that she would rather run over the pole, than Mr. Snappy Stick. Easy, right?. But, underneath, something else changed. It was like she was saying to me "So you CAN hear me, FINALLY!". It wasn't Mr. Snappy Stick that changed the dynamic, it was me finally understanding her motivation, her personality and her language. I told her through my actions and my transferrence that she cannot run over the top of me any more. I love her and will be there for her, but I will not be pulled into her dominance game.

I am also pushing the both of us to deepen that relationship. I am asking her to do more, and I am asking myself to listen more. The tension is absolutely there and rather than relieve the tension, I ask us both to push through it. I am often overwhelmed by her feelings of fear, flight, fight, but when she is calm, and almost suspending attention herself, it feels like a great partnership. When she does lose it, I find that by suspensing attention myself, I can bring her back down with me. These concepts are great in theory and in practice, BUT, it is really hard to do all the time. Last week, I forgot and totally relaxed with her and was in my own head. The next think I know, I was on the ground with a 1200 pound horse standing over me. She had spooked from the sunshine, hmpth, mares.....

Do you think animals have personality types that can be similar to humans? If this is true, can we interact with animals with the same principles of suspension of attention, transferrence, dialiectic etc... that we do with people?

Listening with Empathy

One of my first mentors very early in my career opened a copy of 7-Habits of Highly Effective People to the chapter titled "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". This was a revolutionary concept for me and very intuitive on his part that I would be open to the criticizm and learning opporutnity. I think I have struggled ever since to practice this skills in a vague hope to actually master it. At a cohort meeting today, I made a decision to truly listen with empathy to the individuals of the group. I made the concious effort not to analyze what they were saying. My only job was to listen and try to feel what the speaker was feeling. I wanted to take those many moments I am compelled to share and contribute and use that as a trigger to suspend attention and give even more of myself to listening to the feelings and transferrence of the person speaking. The end result was that I felt I really helped those folks more with what I didn't say, than any "nuggets of wisdom" I would have spilled. In return, I felt more alive, more connected and more of a possitive energy with the people in the room. I am not saying that I was responsible for any great epiphany. In fact, it was I that truly felt the power of what the human mind can accomplish. I was deeply moved by watching people come to realizations by experiencing them, not being told what to realize. I was humbled by the experience and it reaffirmed I am on the right path.

Have you ever had a moment where you could truly "feel" what the person speaking was feeling, even if the words didn't match?

Ah yes, Networking!

When I was younger, I remember my Dad saying to me, "do as I say, not as I do". We would chuckle over that and I appreciated his ability to acknowledge hypocrisy. As a regional director, I would often encourage my reports to "get out there", "go network", "become personally engaged with your customers"! We all know this the right thing to do. It is easy, however, to become distracted by "fires" (ie: email, phone calls, expense reporting, database management, customer support issues...). I will admit, I was the worst offender. Even today, I hear myself give excuses like, "management only cared about the number", so I spent my weeks gathering, analyzing and reporting on the "number". I KNEW the right thing to do was to get out in front of the customers, get engaged in the community and create solid business partner relationships. Somewhere between the "right thing", and "fires" was the phrase, "do as I say, not as I do".

I figured out very quickly that in order to build a business, you HAVE to network. It's not an option. If your customers don't know you, they cannot buy from you. Many are really into the social networking sites like, "Linked-in", "Facebook, "MySpace", "Pro-Boards" etc... Personally, I LOVE the social networking sites that allow for dialog... and the sharing of pictures. I can honestly say that I don't think I have had one lick of business come directly from social networking online. But that is probably because I'm not doing it right. What I do requires "FACE TIME" (Insert Christine Wiig/Rock of Love here. If you don't know, me regurgating it won't be funny. Look it up on You Tube).

I began "networking immersion" last summer and found the experience a great opportunity to see human dynamic in action. First of all, those that go to networking events, are outgoing people to begin with. It's like showing up at a new high school and everyone is wearing the same clothes you are. It's comfortable for me, for the most part. Some networking events were small and not well attended, some were so HUGE that it was overwhelming. My favorite events are the ones with 30 to 40 people there. This is big enough to have variety, and small enough so that you feel you are at a frat party and everyone is happy to meet you. Anything over 75 puts me into a mini-siezure. It's hard to know where to start. Folks seem on edge and the vibe is high energy and "big". I must conjure all my suspension of attention skills and give myself time to assimilate to the room.... and the Borg....

So, today, I went to an event at the Bellevue Chamber of Commerce. A Google guy with a great english accent was there talking about taking over the world. Of course, that was not the overt point of his speech, but he made some great point on why Google is poised for world domination. Most of the focus was around virtualization and the impact of the internet on marketing. He shared a great story about Disney using Google Earth in partnership to create a "pirate world" in an attempt to lure customers into investing time in the world of Pirates of the Carribean http://www.discoverpirateisland.com/. The thought was that conventional advertising would not get enough interest, mainly because of "sequel fatigue" and Tivo. The result is that the average person who accessed the site, spent 40 minutes there. In a world where attention spans are short, getting a customer to invest so much in your product to spend 40 minutes is incredible.

Ok, to get back on track... we were talking about networking. See how easy it is to be distracted?

So, I have a question... How do you network? Are you strictly and on-line person? Do you like to go to social events and network? Are you any good at it? What are some of the best places to go? If you live in the Seattle Area, what are your favorite networking groups/events?

Dr. Todd's Radio Interview

Todd recently did a radio interview for Total Picture Radio with Peter Clayton. For those that are in Pathwise cohorts, you will recognize the discussion of Suspension of Attention, Transferrences and Dialectic. I liked how Todd put things into a business discussion and used Barack Obama as a leadership example. Check it out at: http://www.totalpicture.com/content/blogcategory/106/191/ and let me know what you thought of it!